ADRIAN MA, HOST:
Every year in the United States, more than 650,000 people are released from state or federal prisons. This year, Garland Carr became one of them. He's a country musician who spent about eight years in prison after being convicted of burglary and grand larceny. And he told us about one of the crimes he did time for.
GARLAND CARR: I mean, I was strung out on on heroin, and basically I broke into a cell phone store at night, you know? I mean, it was pretty pathetic - crime of desperation.
MA: In 2017, Carr was in Richmond City Jail, and he participated in a rehab and reentry program that gave him access to musical instruments and a studio.
(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)
CARR: (Singing) It seems like half a lifetime.
MA: His experiences and music appear in a podcast series called Track Change. It's produced by Narratively and one of our member stations, VPM.
(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)
CARR: (Singing) Enough to make me question this crooked trail I'm on.
MA: In July, Carr was reunited with his wife, Kelly (ph), and since then, he's been adjusting to life on the outside. We talked with him recently, and I started out by asking him about his first day after being released from prison.
CARR: Man, first day - I mean, it was a great day. It was a beautiful day. It was July 1, and I kind of find out, uh, you know, a surprise one day, like, hey, you're getting out in two weeks versus two months. You know what I mean? Kelly was out there, you know, at the gate. You know, the institution I left was a real bummer, too, man. It was a bad place. You know, me and Kelly just kind of, like, jumped in the car and took off. And, you know, there were guys I knew that were friends of mine. We all got out the same day, but we didn't stick around there to, you know, kind of high-five and hug and stuff. You know, me and Kelly just wanted to - we wanted to get away.
And, you know, they make you wear, like, this brown, stupid pants and shirt when you walk out. I just remember, like, we're taking off in the car, and I'm like, pulling this stuff off. Of course, Kelly had brought me a change of clothes. You know, and we're just, like, kissing, and, you know, we shot down the road. We were in, like, Waverly, Va., or something, but I had seen something on TV. I'm a PBS guy, and there was a kind of, like, Virginia institution diner restaurant right there in town.
So we went there and got lunch, and I, you know, I had some barbecue and ate some pie and, you know, I mean, it was great. I think I had prison probably written all over me because, you know, everybody could kind of tell, I think that I got - I mean, I'm like, covered in tattoos and stuff. You know, and then we got back home and did what a couple who hasn't been able to interact in any way except with, you know, correctional staff watching them for the last eight years, and...
MA: I'm assuming you're talking about watching Netflix together.
CARR: Right. Right. You know, we we did eventually get to that. We have a big TV, you know.
MA: So you talk a lot about Kelly. Obviously, you've been through a lot together.
CARR: Yeah, man.
MA: But let's play a scene from the podcast where we hear one of the the weekly visits that you got from your-then girlfriend, Kelly.
CARR: Right.
MA: And this next portion is narrated by the podcast's host, Speech Thomas.
(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED NPR BROADCAST)
SPEECH THOMAS: It's the highlight of Garland's week.
CARR: My girlfriend, Kelly, is coming, the only person who comes up here to visit me every week.
THOMAS: Kelly and Garland have been together for three years.
CARR: You know, I miss Kelly, too. God. You don't know how good you got it until it's gone. You know what I mean?
THOMAS: The two of them used to have in-person, face-to-face visits. Then one of the men inside broke the jail's rules, and changes were made. Even though Kelly and Garland are in the same facility at the same time, now they're only allowed to see each other through a video screen, bolted to the wall with a grainy, low-resolution image.
CARR: You know, you only get one visit a week, and it's on this here kiosk screen. Kind of takes any intimacy out of it. But, you know, we do the best we can. Hey, there she is. What's up? You look beautiful.
KELLY: Thanks, baby.
CARR: Let me get a kiss. Video chat kiss.
KELLY: Can't get any hotter than that.
CARR: Yeah. How you doing?
THOMAS: On the call, they catch up on the latest. Kelly tells Garland about how she was getting her son dressed for the day.
KELLY: And I had three pairs of shoes later. He was fine.
CARR: Oh, yeah?
KELLY: He didn't tell me...
THOMAS: Dating a person who struggles with substance use can inflict a lot of wounds. And for Kelly, some of them still haven't healed.
KELLY: When you were in prison, and you were, like, telling me like, oh, you know, I'm totally different, and I'm never going to go back and all this stuff, like, when I come home, I'm going to do this, this and this, like, your expectation or your - they were just unrealistic.
CARR: They were completely unrealistic.
KELLY: Like...
CARR: I was living in a fantasy world. So...
KELLY: I literally look back, and of course it's hurtful - you know what I mean? - to me. And I don't know. That's, like, the hardest thing for you to accept. I don't understand it.
THOMAS: Kelly has sacrificed a lot to be here. She's lost some friends who don't agree with her relationship, and she never talks about Garland with her son, who took it incredibly hard the last time that Garland suddenly left their home.
KELLY: How do I know that you're not going to go back to doing that again?
CARR: Yeah.
KELLY: Like, that's a mistake I'll never make, thinking that I know for sure, because that was, like...
CARR: Yeah. Yeah.
KELLY: ...The hardest thing.
CARR: I mean, I - you know, I would be remiss if I didn't ask myself the same question. How do you know? How do I know? You know, if I do everything I'm supposed to do today, then tomorrow will hopefully be what I want it to be. You know what I mean?
KELLY: One of the things I think is, like, your biggest struggle is, like, facing things and, like, owning it. You know what I mean?
CARR: I know you say that, and I know in the past you're exactly - you're absolutely right about that. I'm just letting you know I understand it to be true. I'm going to heed it, but I don't like the way it makes me feel. That's all.
THOMAS: And just then, the words one minute remaining pop up on the screen.
CARR: All right. I love you.
KELLY: I love you, too. All right. One second. You almost got us on a fight right there.
MA: So, Garland.
CARR: Yeah.
MA: How do you feel listening to that?
CARR: I mean, it's hard to hear. You know, I'm not - I'm kind of through beating myself up over the past. And I know that now, you know, here today, there's quite a few people that are still in my corner, my parents and, you know, family and brothers and friends that I still keep up with. There's probably people who are, you know, holding their breath, kind of waiting for me to screw up again. But, you know, I feel pretty good about the fact that that's not going to happen.
I don't know. I mean, I'm the same dude, I guess. But, you know, I didn't get off easy, you know, for anything, man. And I paid a hefty, hefty price. You know, I'm aware of the fact that I could make a bad decision, you know, a string - a couple bad decisions together and be right back where I was. But, you know, I just don't think that's going to happen.
MA: You talk about the price that you have been serving. Part of that is you spent about eight years without being able to see Kelly face-to-face. What do you think kept that relationship going despite having those obstacles in between you two?
CARR: At the risk of sounding corny, man, love. And I'll tell you something else.
MA: Yeah.
CARR: I wrote a song called "Kelly's Song," right? Yeah. This is back when I was still in the jail and had access to the recording studio. Me and Kelly got in a little fight one day about the fact that she was saying I had never wrote her a song, you know. And I knew that I was going to maybe get moved from the jail sometime soon.
And I was like, man, I need to do this. I need to write her a song, you know. And it was one of those times where it just all comes to you fast and easy, and then went to the studio and recorded it that night. And she says, you know, when she heard that song, that's when she knew we'd get married.
MA: Aw.
CARR: So that song pulled its weight, man.
MA: Well, that is - yeah. I mean, that's a hell of a grand gesture. You've been writing lots and lots of songs. What's your plan for that?
CARR: Well, in my mind, man, I've got three records that I have to make to, like, be at peace with myself and the universe. I think it's within my capabilities to make a genre-defining alternative country album, you know, and that's what I intend to do. I'm going to do it myself if I got to, you know.
MA: Yeah. How did writing music help you cope with the time that you spent incarcerated?
CARR: Man, music was my saving grace. That was how I dealt with it and didn't go crazy. That was how I didn't, you know, get caught up in some depression, man, because I believed, like, I had to be here.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "FREEDOM WIND")
CARR: (Singing) Dead in the water. I went wrong. I've been drifting way too long.
CARR: I wouldn't have wrote that song if I wasn't, you know, sitting on that rack in a prison dormitory - you know what I mean? - reading that particular book. That got me through eight years, man, believing in this thing that if I could have this happy ending, that everything would be worth it, you know, and those years were not a waste. I want to tell that story, you know, and put them out there. And I want, you know, I want other people to be able to relate to them and hear a story like that and maybe it'll get the next dude through, you know.
MA: Garland, I want to thank you so much for taking the time to share your story with us.
CARR: Hey, thanks a lot, man.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "FREEDOM WIND")
CARR: (Singing) Freedom wind, blow me away.
MA: That was Garland Carr, country musician and 1 of 4 men featured in the podcast Track Change by Narratively and VPM. By the way, this song you're listening to is called "Freedom Wind." Special thanks to podcast showrunner James Boo and VPM managing producer Gavin Wright for introducing us to Garland. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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